Category: satire

#BarbaraYankey Stuns Science with Discovery of Human Hair Heart Stopping Syndrome

#BarbaraYankey Stuns Science with Discovery of Human Hair Heart Stopping Syndrome

by Patrick Devlin cross posted at mLaw #BarbaraYankey, a self-described “scientist”, has made worldwide headlines again this week with her team’s discovery of what they are calling “Human-Hair Heart Stopping Syndrome.” The shocking discovery was reported by graduate student (meaning, not yet a doctor) #Yankey, who currently goes to school at Georgia State University. Yankey made headlines earlier this week when she reported that the cardiovascular risks of consuming #cannabis exceed those of consuming tobacco – a strange “scientific” finding given that the US government reports that tobacco kills more than 400,000 citizens every year and also has reported year […]

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Won’t back down

Won’t back down

by Patrick Devlin The media has advised us that the real estate salesman candidate for president “won’t back down”. Not yesterday, today or for the foreseeable future. America’s casino condo king will continue to make bogus, bigoted and bizzaro statements – throwing red meat to the slack-jawed and sanctified, the bankrupt and bigoted – the foreclosed upon neo-fascisti. Even when news announcers take a firm tone, the real estate salesman candidate simply won’t back down. His legion of supporters remind that, speaking in generalities as he does and using dog-whistle coded language, the real estate salesman’s shtick doesn’t amount to […]

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Bipartisan odor wafting from DC

Bipartisan odor wafting from DC

by Patrick Devlin As both Democratic and Republican politicians are getting ready to roll up their sleeves and start governing now that the closed for business government has been re-opened for business, a small group of political leaders from both parties are working together to brainstorm solutions that are practical, make good sense and appeal to the mindsets and meet the requirements of politicians from both parties. While the consensus of TV’s shouty partisan teletubbies is that our diametrically opposed political parties can’t possibly agree on anything (and we therefore can’t do anything other than continue fighting imperial wars and […]

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gots to choose…apple, google or NSA ‘cloud computing’?

gots to choose…apple, google or NSA ‘cloud computing’?

by Patrick Devlin Every time I have recently attempted to update my apple internet phone software I have been offered to accept a free-of-charge service by that same wonderful company (which appears to have the capacity to know exactly what types of products me and mrs.acmerecords want desperately to purchase to define our personal natures by) : to have a cloud named after me, where all of my ideas and schemes and dreams (as revealed in the haphazard and unfocused and advertising driven and mostly out of either sheer boredom or out of shameless consumerist instincts google.industrial.complex searches that I […]

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them sparkleponypoopmunchers will just have to get used to the ‘trade offs’

them sparkleponypoopmunchers will just have to get used to the ‘trade offs’

by Patrick Devlin >> ahhh..the inexplicablity to regular dullards of the complex nature of constitutional protections that have no meaning or application “if you only knew what we know and how much we are protecting y’all” its just those plain ‘ol super human thought processes only accessible to the humans.who.used.to.be.partisan.hacks but now are super.humans because lesser party hacks voted for them gwbush : “I asked the White House counsel’s office and the Justice Department to study whether I could authorize the NSA to monitor al Qaeda communications into and out of the country without FISA warrants…Both told me I could. […]

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