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Scientists prove that money permanently malforms the brains of cash addicts

By Patrick Devlin

In a medical study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) researchers reported finding troubling evidence that money permanently alters money-users’ brains causing cash addicts to value money over most if not all things.
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The study found that when researchers brought up the idea of getting more money to cash addicts, their brains responded by producing the natural stimulant dopamine.

The study found that the earlier one is indoctrinated into the world where cash is valued over all else; more than knowledge, personal safety, health and family, cash addicts come to believe that money is the single most important motivational factor, severing these poor souls from their concerns for our human brethren and even their concerns about the planet that we all inhabit.

Luckily, the doctors who performed the study found that participants in the study who use cannabis were able to control their blind subservience to dollars and displayed less of an all consuming drive for wealth. In fact, researchers found that the longer participants in the study have used cannabis, the less likely their thoughts and actions will be dominated by the motivation to acquire more and more money at the sacrifice of every other human desire.

One of the research associates who helped author the study, #MaryHeitzeg, an assistant professor at the University of Michigan, told the popular journal Live Science, that the cash addled brains of money addicts lose the capacity of finding pleasure and delight in life’s simple and often free pursuits, such as watching a sunset, sitting quietly with a loved one or playing with puppies, unless there is some cost or price related to the activity. Heitzeg advised the magazine that, to cannabis users, “there is not as much pleasure” evident when they are asked to cravenly consider enriching themselves over all other pursuits.

Heitzeg, herself an apparent cash addict, seemed to not be able to understand how or why cannabis users can find pleasure in thoughts and actions that do not revolve around acquiring more money. In her interview Heitzeg revealed to Live Science, that, in her cash-addicted way of thinking, getting more cash is “something that would naturally give somebody pleasure.”

The report comes on the heels of several recent studies that found more and more amazing medical qualities inherent in cannabis; that the substance dissolves plaque on Alzheimers patients’ brains, that the substance quiets seizures in young children with epilepsy and that Medicare drug costs are lower in states that have legalized the substance for use by adults, leaving many to consider that, although blindly demonized by health professionals for eight decades, cannabis may in fact be a true panacea, unlike any substance that is currently pushed by profit seeking pharmaceutical corporations – and surely more beneficial to humankind than money.